So I feel into the trap that 98% of bloggers do, I got too preoccupied to post. It has been a bit busy around here. They get so big so fast. You hear that but you just can't imagine that in a blink of an eye your newborn is an infant and another blink and she is crawling and walking. I can't tell you what it is like when it is the first of many babies or the last of a few, but when it is your one and only it is terrifying. And mine seems to be moving right a long a little too quickly. She sat up on her own at 6 months, crawled at 7 and is this close to walking at 8. She said Mama for the first time the other day. She also says up, doggy, dada, cookie, and baba. I was sure baba would be first since she is a bottomless pit. She eats and eats and eats. Everyone watches in awe as she puts back 3 baby food pouches, a cup of Gerber crunches, two Mum-Mum cookies, half a cup of yogurt drops, and then part of whatever I am eating. This is one meal...and yet she is only in the 45% for weight, but the 90% for height.
She gets that height thing from Dad, everything else she gets from me (and my mom, who is her only white grandparent and Scarlett's eyes are still blue and now her hair is blond...genetic freak). She is identical to me as a baby except for that blond hair, blue eyed thing. She is also crazy just like mommy. She never, ever stops moving. Even when she is sleeping her feet keep kicking. She never shuts up...and she usually is screaming at the top of her lungs and she seems to pick up a new word every week. I wake up in the morning now to either: UP UP UP UP UP or MA MA MA MA MA. But the thing she says the most is doggy, who she chases all over the house and sometimes attacks, but man can she crawl fast.
When I first decided I was going to go ahead and do this stay at home mom thing everyone said it was a terrible idea. I would be bored to tears and feel frustrated and alone. For the first 6 months it was the most amazing experience. Especially considering my baby sleeps through the night and takes 2-4 solid naps during the day. We would play, meet with other moms and kids, lunch with friends and family, and when she slept I got some serious gaming in. Then she stopped being an infant and started to be a baby monkey. She needs constant and continual stimulation, she laps the house about 100 times a day, she attacks the dog, "talks" so loud I have to crank the tv up so loud the neighbors can hear it. She wants to go out and do something every day. I have tried to explain to her that gas is now $4.00 a gallon and Mommy doesn't have a job so we can't go downtown to the Aquarium every day. I don't think she understood.
Continuing along the just like Mommy theme, she isn't a morning person. I used to be able to get her out of the house by 9 AM to go meet the other Moms and kids but now getting her out of the house before 10 AM is just not an option. I know poor pitiful me I get to sleep in till 9 AM but I pay a big price. She is a raging lunatic when she is bored. This morning she dumped her mac and cheese all over my laptop and then smeared it all around. So we go for walks, but she only tolerates that a few days a week, the park is only interesting a few days a week. She would go to the mall and ride the carousel all day every day but she doesn't seem to get that I run out of quarters. The biggest fuss she makes though is when we meet someone or someone comes to visit and it isn't to see her. Don't you all know that she is the center of the Universe??? At least we don't have separation anxiety. Mommy is only one of many people who can serve her.
The only upside of not being able to meet the other kids for morning play dates is that most of the other infants won't play with her anyway. She is too rough for them. They run or crawl away crying. Oh and she likes to kiss boys...8 months and she likes to kiss boys (and she likes shoes, no loves shoes, can we say Mommy's girl?). At Community Group there are two 1 year old boys but they are afraid of her they crawl around quietly and play with their toys and she and the 3 year old boy roll around on the floor screaming. It is so embarrassing.
At 8 months I have hit a wall. I don't know what to do with her any more. I can't wait till the pool opens, hopefully she will wear herself out swimming. Also come summer it is Grandmommy's problem. My mother went to work at a day care when I was 1 so she could stay with me but I needed full time entertainment. I have applied for a part time teaching job next year and for her sake I pray I get it so she can go to day care for a few hours a day.
I also miss adults (and sometime teenagers). I miss conversations that aren't about poop, I miss happy hour and I miss my friends. It is hard to maintain friendships with "work friends" when you don't work. They don't really know what to say to you and your schedules are "off." You just aren't part of the club any more. These days I really miss the other stay at home Moms too. Staying home was easy when she was little and portable and we did what I wanted to do...And thus the slump.
I know every parent goes through this. You love your child but when they are driving you crazy, taring your house apart, screaming at you, sometimes it is hard to forget why you love them. There have been days when Pat has come home and I say "take her and get her away from me for at least an hour." How horrible am I (mostly becuase I am willing to admit it, not becuase I feel it, we all feel it from time to time)? What is even worse then that is that I am bitching that I want him to take her away, but that I kind of hate that she doesn't care that he does. She doesn't like me that much. I mean I am her mother and she loves me but I am by no means her favorite person. She actually likes men better. My father is her favorite person. She shoots off like a rocket any time she sees him. I said I was glad we have no separation anxiety, but I imagine it makes those moms feel warm and fuzzy inside that their babies love them best. When I pick her up from a weekend at my parents house she barely even notices I am there. I secretly like it when she is sick becuase it is the only time I get anything that resembles a hug. They had to pull me out of church last weekend becuase she was fussing up a storm, she didn't want me, she wanted Tylenol.
The hardest thing about staying at home is that I have nothing to show for my day. Yep I kept her alive today. Pat me on the back. She learned to crawl and talk, I merely made sure she didn't get too hurt in the process. It is a weird feeling after being in jobs that were very results oriented. Sure I know what I am doing is important and good Lord is it challenging but if you think teaching is a thankless job, trying mothering. The worst part is when I look around the house and it is a wreck and the dishes and laundry aren't done and there is no food in the house, I think "what did I do today????" It is also very hard not to compare yourself to Mrs. Cleaver or some of the other more successful stay at home moms. *Sigh*
But after all that bitching, this is still the greatest thing I have ever done. When she wakes up from a nap and I go into her room I get this great big smile and it is the best thing in the whole world. She is smiling becuase I am freeing her but it is still pointed in my direction and I can't help but love it. I ultimately decided I needed to do this staying at home thing becuase I am only having one and she will only be little once. I would have missed so much. I see and hear her do things weeks before anyone else catches it. When she gives me that big smile all the frustration is worth it. Staying at home isn't for every and not everyone has the opportunity but for all the trouble she is worth it.
