The Fine Line

Yesterday I found myself eating a half eaten soggy Teddy Gram cracker becuase I didn't want to stand up and throw it away. Wow. I am officially a gross mom. A friend recently posted on her facebook page "You know you are a mom when you take a sip from your daughter's sippy cup to swallow your Tylenol." We all find ourselves doing things we would have screeched at when we were young and childless. But we all seem to draw that line, for ourselves and our children, at a different place. Yours may start and end with Purell, mine begins at wiping my hands off with a diaper wipe and seems to end with her crawling around on the Arundle Mills Mall Food Court Floor (I can feel half of you shutter). I brought her into River Hill High School for the Childhood Development class to observe her and they asked me why I was so relaxed considering most first time mothers are so much more cautious (I think she had just fallen on her head). I don't know...maybe I am just lazy.

Last week we had a play date with a beautiful sweet little 2 year old (who is not afraid of Scarlett) and they were playing in the mulch. But that is where her wonderful and loving mother (who I can not say enough nice things about) drew her line. Come snack time said friend refused to allow her child to hold her pretzel with her dirty hands. After much crying and a trip inside to wash her hands, Scarlett's friend ate her snack cleanly. I handed Scarlett her pretzel right into her dirty hand. I often say to people "she isn't in daycare so she has to get her immunities somewhere." Frankly, it isn't about laziness, I just don't care. Ok I don't not care about my kid, but I guess I don't think it will hurt her. Scarlett will just have to get used to her friends having better mothers then she does.

Funny thing is, I spent that whole afternoon adjusting her hair bow. I have been thinking about this for a long time and I have come to this conclusion: I'm nuts. I know what you're thinking...that isn't new news. But hear me out. I legitimately don't think eating mulch (in small quantities) will hurt her. Disclosure: I am neither recommending you let your child do that, nor am I criticizing parents that don't, in anyway. So I let her do dirty things on a regular basis and my line keeps getting lower and lower and lower. However, I care greatly that she looks adorable while she is being dirty. Why? Because I don't think the dirt is hurting her so I let her do it. But I do seem to care on at least some level what other people think. Since I am not willing to fight with her about pretzels and dirt I mask it with a pretty bow or a fluffy skirt, or both.

Boys have better toys, girls have better clothes. What mother doesn't like dressing up their little girl but I don't think any one would argue that I take it to the next level. A Toddlers and Tiaras reference has been made on more then one occasion. She never leaves this house without a coordinated cute outfit, with a matching bow and shoes. Every single time. My resolve is actually quite remarkable. And bless her little soul she has gotten into the groove of this. I give her choices and she likes picking out outfits and shoes and without fail she picks the fluffiest outfit possible. She loves to go shopping. I give her choices, I approve of, and she chooses. Side note, she is a bit of a clepto. I have to check her hands before we leave a store. She grabs things off racks or shelves. Sometimes she becomes obsessed with something truly ugly and we fight over it a bit, but in the end I have to sign the receipt so deal baby, deal.

I am going to take this one step further and divulge that I think there is a more deep seeded issue at hand. I have mentioned before that one of the things I have struggled with the most is the lack of accomplishment I feel at the end of the day. How do I evaluate my daily work? Especially coming from such a results oriented career, not having test results is rather aggravating. Yay, I didn't kill the baby today! Yay, the baby didn't kill herself today! Yay, I did the dishes and cleaned the house and did the laundry and the baby is still alive...yeah right. But some people say "she is thriving, you must be doing a good job." I refuse to take credit for Scarlett rolling over, sitting up, crawling, walking, and talking. All I did was put her on her belly, propped her up a few times, put toys out of her reach, put better toys out of her reach, and spoke some words loudly and clearly. It's not that hard.

Ok keeping the baby alive is hard, but that other stuff she mostly did on her own. But when I take Scarlett out all dressed up I get all sorts of ooos and ahhs. As Cadence always points out to everyone at church "isn't Scarwet the most bewtiful baby in the whole word?" That's right I'll totally take a pat on the back from a 4 year old. By the way, Scarlett is not the most beautiful baby in the whole world. I love my child dearly, but she ain't no Gerber Baby. When she isn't all dressed up she is a long, skinny baby, rather monkey looking.

We had her pictures taken today and becuase it is mother's day weekend, the whole world brought their babies in to have pictures take. Scarlett was by no means the cutest baby there. She doesn't have the rosie cheeks, or the chubby legs, or the cute little bottom teeth. But everyone was mesmerized by her somewhat ridiculous outfit to the point that the cries of "Mommy that baby pulled my hair! Mommy that baby bit me! Mommy she trampled over me! Mommy that baby stole my juice!" were laughed away. Frankly she has to be adorable becuase it distracts people from realizing she is actually a chimp who is patrolling her territory in the jungle. FYI if you go to Picture People around a holiday bring a lot of toys and food. We waited 45 mins, during which she ate half of a Wetzel's Pretzel, two packets of Mum Mums, and two pouches.

That notion begs a serious question: how do we prepare our daughters for the real world? Where is the line between encouraging them to eat well and exercise and giving them body image issues? How do you not pass your own neuroses onto your children? I'm soooo not ready to answer that question but it is rapidly creeping up on me. I have a friend whose 4 year old daughter is refusing to wear the same outfit twice in a month and wants to wear make up like her Barbie. Believe me she didn't get this from home. Her parents are well adjusted people who read her appropriate books and let her watch a modest amount of appropriate tv and have never bought her a doll with fake lashes and blue shadow. Now she is now mad at her parents for taking away that Barbie that her friend gave her for her birthday.

No matter how much you want to shelter your child from these kinds of issues, you can't. You can only postpone it and sometimes that does a great deal of damage becuase you haven't prepared them for the inevitable. Is it a fine line between caring about your child's well being and becoming a pageant mom? I imagine it is much finer then we"normal" mothers think. I am sure it starts with a bow in her hair and somewhere along the line it becomes a tiara. Fortunately for me (and Scarlett), Pat would never let her compete in a pageant where she has to shake anything inappropriate.

I will leave you with my ick factor bottom line: her bottom on the floor of the food court at Arundle Mills Mall. We were there with several people and she had finished eating, got out of her high chair repeatedly, and I just couldn't keep her happy so I let her down to walk around. She takes about 5 or 6 steps at a time then she falls and decides to crawl the rest of the way. She started chasing this little boy and she is much faster crawling so off she went. Oh but that isn't even the best part. They are still building the Casino over there and at lunch time all the construction workers came in to take a break. They weren't exactly clean. I mean they weren't caked in dirt but they were dusty and sweaty and of course she was obsessed with them. She just kept going up to them and waving and saying hi and of course grabbing their shoes and their hard hats and screamed when I took her away. We car pooled so we couldn't leave till everyone was done. Given the choice between a screaming, angry baby, and a very happy but really gross and dirty baby...I let her play with the construction workers, on the floor of the Arundle Mills Mall food court floor, in a tutu. This is the part where you say ewww. Fortunately for me, Pat never reads my blog.

This post is dedicated to Erin Smart, Katie Florida, Jenni Humphrey, Aaron Danzig, and all the mother's out there who keep Purell handy and the mothers whose motto is: God made dirt, dirt don't hurt.

Product Review 2.0

Ok so here is a summary of what did and did not work for me.

Bottles and Accessories: The Dr. Brown's were really great till about 3 months when the gas was a major problem. However after that all the little pieces were a pain so I got rid of them and went with the Nuk bottles. They worked, they weren't that expensive but she has also used the First Essentials $1 bottles in a pinch with no problems. I am not sure they come with travel caps so I would check into that but expensive bottles aren't really necessary if you have a kid who likes to eat. If you don't breast feed your baby and you never give your baby a heated bottle she will never know the difference. I wouldn't bother with a bottle warmer. If you want one though get one with a water reserve. Avant and Dr. Brown's both make them. I liked the Playtex Drop-Ins for travel but generally speaking they irritate me so now that she doesn't eat as much I get the pre-made disposable ones when we travel. Use Target formula they have many options and it doesn't foam the way Wal-Mart and Costco's does. Get a formula pitcher.

Infant Accessories: Bumbo, Boppy, and Bouncy Seats (not to be confused with Jumperoos) are a necessity. Find a tot swap or a Once Upon a Child and buy them used.
This is the bouncy seat she liked best and was the only thing she would sleep in until she moved to her crib, forget the bassinet! The swing was only useful for like 3 months so if you can borrow one or buy one used go for it. Otherwise forget it.

High Chair: If I had to do it over again I would use the Bumbo with a tray until she was big enough for a booster seat like this one she has at my mom's. If you have chubby baby she might grow out of the Bumbo before she can really sit up. If you really want to get one go with the Graco, you don't ever really have to remove the tray all the way and you don't need to strap the baby into that one.

Baby Gates: I am doing this one now becuase Scarlett is half way up the stairs and crying becuase she can't get down. I believe in tough love even at 9 months. I never put the gates up. She doesn't go anywhere near the downstairs but she can go up. We have soft carpet and she has never fallen more then a few steps, she is figuring out how to get back down. We have the Safety 1st ones that we put up when I have other kids over. I like them.

Car Seat and Stroller: Ok the Chicco is super easy to use and safe but it is so HEAVY. If I had it to do over again I would still go with the Chicco Car seat but I would get a used Snap and Go stroller base, it won't fit perfectly but it is good enough. Then I would buy this Chicco when she is big enough. I bought this last month becuase the Cortina was so heavy. My mother has one too. Target has a cheaper Umbrella stroller that is pretty good but it won't last you the baby's life. I like the Liteway becuase it lies all the way down into a bed. She will sleep in it anywhere. The Baby Trend and new Graco are good options for travel systems if you are a jogger. Scarlett grew out of her infant car seat 4 months too early we switched to the Safety First Alpha Omega Elite. She loves it but you will need a towel rolled up under it while it is rear facing. You must get the Sassy brand Car Seat toys, the Infantino ones don't fit.

Carriers: I hated the Moby Wrap, waaaay too hot in the summer. Slings are great when they are little but long run Bjorn is the way to go.

Pack and Play: It doesn't matter...my whole thing about a fold over changing table isn't really relevant becuase you can keep it up for like 3 months and after that it you aren't changing as many diapers and they aren't as messy.

Toys: Scarlett has both a Jumperoo and an Exersaucer she likes them both. She loved the Rainforest play mat. These were must have crib toys the sea horse and the rainforest soother. She has two of these airplane scooters both bought used...she adores them. It serves as a walker too. Her Favorite toy is the Fisher Price Zoo. It is soooo irritating but she loves it. She also loves the Fisher Price Easel, the Fisher Price Stage, and the Fisher Price Dinosaur. (Those are each different links.)

Feeding: I like the Munchkin Spoons best, but I almost always give her baby food pouches. The Snack Catcher and reusable snack bags are great too. The mesh bags were great when she was first learning to eat and filled with frozen fruit make a great teether. The Nuk Learner Cup has served us well but only use the clear nipples.

Bath and Body: I like Pampers diapers and Huggies wipes But LUVs aren't bad either. You have to have the Little Noses booger sucker and their nail clipper is the best too. My verdict on Gas Drops is a big thumbs up. Butt Paste works well but if you don't use a wipe every time she pees you will really reduce diaper rash. Get a slanted infant bath tub and either an inflatable tub or use a rubber made storage bin filled with water after they are too big for the baby tub but too small for the big tub. I also like this sponge for the infant tub. The Munchkin Bath Ball is the best bath toy. Get  thermometer that lights up at the right temp. We have this one. You don't need the knee saver sit on your butt. Target's baby washcloths are the best. But the cheaper ones you can get anywhere are great in the beginning when baby is super icky. I would not buy the hooded towels Scarlett is too big for them at 8 months get real towels. Get the Arm and Hammer baby poop bags for when you travel. No friend without kids wants a poopy diaper in their trash but these bags completely remove the odor. I like the Diaper Genie Elite keep it in the bathroom. pacifier wipes are awesome in the beginning when you are still concerned about germs.

Stuff I never needed or used: 4oz bottles last for two months, waste of money. Crib mobile, they don't fit modern cribs but they still sell them with the bedding sets. The more expensive softer Boppy cover, she didn't care. I got the Gerber onsies extenders but they didn't fit one single onsie I have even though they come in three sizes. Don't buy lots of pacifiers! They will give you one in the hospital and  if she won't use it she probably will never use one. I know several babies who didn't use the Soothie they give you at the hospital but will use the Nuk one. But most babies if they use a pacifier they will only ever like the Soothie. Footie PJs with buttons, so irritating in the middle of the night...get zippers or sacks, love the sacks. Breathable Bumpers are just not necessary. By the time a baby can roll all the way over to the edge of the crib she is old enough not to suffocate herself. Shopping cart/ high chair cover, good lord is it hard to work...and with a squiggling baby forget it just not worth it. They sell protectors for the seats in your car from the car seat and crumbs however the fire department will tell you not to use it becuase it makes the car seat less safe. That is not advertised on the package.

Scarlett says I am done now...tata.

Post Script:  As per a request made of me here are some updates. I would buy everything used except a car seat a crib, and a baby monitor. Go ahead and splurge on a monitor that has video. I didn't want one becuase I was afraid I would check it all the time but my father got a web cam for her room so they could creepily look in on her at night. I find it very handy to log on to it with my phone and check and see if she is still sleeping.

Eighth Month Slump

So I feel into the trap that 98% of bloggers do, I got too preoccupied to post. It has been a bit busy around here. They get so big so fast. You hear that but you just can't imagine that in a blink of an eye your newborn is an infant and another blink and she is crawling and walking. I can't tell you what it is like when it is the first of many babies or the last of a few, but when it is your one and only it is terrifying. And mine seems to be moving right a long a little too quickly. She sat up on her own at 6 months, crawled at 7 and is this close to walking at 8. She said Mama for the first time the other day. She also says up, doggy, dada, cookie, and baba. I was sure baba would be first since she is a bottomless pit. She eats and eats and eats. Everyone watches in awe as she puts back 3 baby food pouches, a cup of Gerber crunches, two Mum-Mum cookies, half a cup of yogurt drops, and then part of whatever I am eating. This is one meal...and yet she is only in the 45% for weight, but the 90% for height.

She gets that height thing from Dad, everything else she gets from me (and my mom, who is her only white grandparent and Scarlett's eyes are still blue and now her hair is blond...genetic freak). She is identical to me as a baby except for that blond hair, blue eyed thing. She is also crazy just like mommy. She never, ever stops moving. Even when she is sleeping her feet keep kicking. She never shuts up...and she usually is screaming at the top of her lungs and she seems to pick up a new word every week. I wake up in the morning now to either: UP UP UP UP UP or MA MA MA MA MA. But the thing she says the most is doggy, who she chases all over the house and sometimes attacks, but man can she crawl fast.

When I first decided I was going to go ahead and do this stay at home mom thing everyone said it was a terrible idea. I would be bored to tears and feel frustrated and alone. For the first 6 months it was the most amazing experience. Especially considering my baby sleeps through the night and takes 2-4 solid naps during the day. We would play, meet with other moms and kids, lunch with friends and family, and when she slept I got some serious gaming in. Then she stopped being an infant and started to be a baby monkey. She needs constant and continual stimulation, she laps the house about 100 times a day, she attacks the dog, "talks" so loud I have to crank the tv up so loud the neighbors can hear it. She wants to go out and do something every day. I have tried to explain to her that gas is now $4.00 a gallon and Mommy doesn't have a job so we can't go downtown to the Aquarium every day. I don't think she understood.

Continuing along the just like Mommy theme, she isn't a morning person. I used to be able to get her out of the house by 9 AM to go meet the other Moms and kids but now getting her out of the house before 10 AM is just not an option. I know poor pitiful me I get to sleep in till 9 AM but I pay a big price. She is a raging lunatic when she is bored. This morning she dumped her mac and cheese all over my laptop and then smeared it all around. So we go for walks, but she only tolerates that a few days a week, the park is only interesting a few days a week. She would go to the mall and ride the carousel all day every day but she doesn't seem to get that I run out of quarters. The biggest fuss she makes though is when we meet someone or someone comes to visit and it isn't to see her. Don't you all know that she is the center of the Universe??? At least we don't have separation anxiety. Mommy is only one of many people who can serve her.

The only upside of not being able to meet the other kids for morning play dates is that most of the other infants won't play with her anyway. She is too rough for them. They run or crawl away crying. Oh and she likes to kiss boys...8 months and she likes to kiss boys (and she likes shoes, no loves shoes, can we say Mommy's girl?). At Community Group there are two 1 year old boys but they are afraid of her they crawl around quietly and play with their toys and she and the 3 year old boy roll around on the floor screaming. It is so embarrassing.

At 8 months I have hit a wall. I don't know what to do with her any more. I can't wait till the pool opens, hopefully she will wear herself out swimming. Also come summer it is Grandmommy's problem. My mother went to work at a day care when I was 1 so she could stay with me but I needed full time entertainment. I have applied for a part time teaching job next year and for her sake I pray I get it so she can go to day care for a few hours a day.

I also miss adults (and sometime teenagers). I miss conversations that aren't about poop, I miss happy hour and I miss my friends. It is hard to maintain friendships with "work friends" when you don't work. They don't really know what to say to you and your schedules are "off." You just aren't part of the club any more. These days I really miss the other stay at home Moms too. Staying home was easy when she was little and portable and we did what I wanted to do...And thus the slump.

I know every parent goes through this. You love your child but when they are driving you crazy, taring your house apart, screaming at you, sometimes it is hard to forget why you love them. There have been days when Pat has come home and I say "take her and get her away from me for at least an hour." How horrible am I (mostly becuase I am willing to admit it, not becuase I feel it, we all feel it from time to time)? What is even worse then that is that I am bitching that I want him to take her away, but that I kind of hate that she doesn't care that he does. She doesn't like me that much. I mean I am her mother and she loves me but I am by no means her favorite person. She actually likes men better. My father is her favorite person. She shoots off like a rocket any time she sees him. I said I was glad we have no separation anxiety, but I imagine it makes those moms feel warm and fuzzy inside that their babies love them best. When I pick her up from a weekend at my parents house she barely even notices I am there. I secretly like it when she is sick becuase it is the only time I get anything that resembles a hug. They had to pull me out of church last weekend becuase she was fussing up a storm, she didn't want me, she wanted Tylenol.

The hardest thing about staying at home is that I have nothing to show for my day. Yep I kept her alive today. Pat me on the back. She learned to crawl and talk, I merely made sure she didn't get too hurt in the process. It is a weird feeling after being in jobs that were very results oriented. Sure I know what I am doing is important and good Lord is it challenging but if you think teaching is a thankless job, trying mothering. The worst part is when I look around the house and it is a wreck and the dishes and laundry aren't done and there is no food in the house, I think "what did I do today????" It is also very hard not to compare yourself to Mrs. Cleaver or some of the other more successful stay at home moms. *Sigh*

But after all that bitching, this is still the greatest thing I have ever done. When she wakes up from a nap and I go into her room I get this great big smile and it is the best thing in the whole world. She is smiling becuase I am freeing her but it is still pointed in my direction and I can't help but love it. I ultimately decided I needed to do this staying at home thing becuase I am only having one and she will only be little once. I would have missed so much. I see and hear her do things weeks before anyone else catches it. When she gives me that big smile all the frustration is worth it. Staying at home isn't for every and not everyone has the opportunity but for all the trouble she is worth it.

Mind Your Own Dang Business

From the moment of conception you are automatically wearing a sign that says "Please give me unsolicited advice." I experienced very little of this during my pregnancy considering that I spent most of it in bed. But I am to understand that often strangers walk up to you and tell you frightening horror stories about labor and say things like "if you think you are tired now, how will you handle a newborn? or "you shouldn't eat that it will make the baby jaundice." I realize there is some irony in me saying this since my whole blog is advice you probably don't want but it isn't unsolicited. You came here with the intent to read...

For me the annoying advice came after she was born, which is a tad more upsetting. When you are pregnant it is just irritating and sometimes upsetting becuase you are very hormonal. When the baby is out then it is just down right upsetting that people are criticizing you parenting. The first time someone implied I didn't know what I was doing was the first time I took her out of the house. We went to Target (lots of women say that is the first place they go). She was two weeks old. She seemed fine and I needed "stuff." One can't say they are going to Target for a particular item becuase you always come back with "stuff" and you can't really pretend you won't. Moving on. Lots of people stopped to ask me about the baby...small babies have that affect on people (so do small dogs but they don't allow that in Target). It is kind of weird. Who are you and stop staring at my baby. Eventually one lady asked how old she was and then told me she was too young to be out. Thanks I will hop in my time machine and tell myself not to take her to Target. I told people she was three weeks old for the rest of the day.

When she started teething people kept telling me she was too young and I must be mistaken. Would you like to stick your finger in my child's mouth and feel the molar descending down? Which by the way is how I found out she was teething. I asked Katie to stick her finger in Scarlett's mouth. What? It was information I needed and I couldn't tell. In retrospect that was ridiculous there are clearly teeth in there on their way out. First time mom, what are you going to do?

Now all the time I am told she is cold. My child, like her father, runs hot. He would wear shorts at the north pole. It runs in the family. My sister in law and I both wear sweats to Thanksgiving dinner while the rest of them wear t-shirts. Any way, Scarlett does not like to be hot. Side note, Scarlett doesn't cry unless there is something wrong. Lots of babies cry for no reason. It is perfectly normal for a baby just to communicate by irritating you. Mine only cries when she either bored, hungry, tired, teething, or hot. She used to cry as soon as she sweat in her diaper but she seems to be ok now to sit in it for a bit. She also doesn't really have gas any more. However, when she is unhappy I inevitably forget one of those things. I will try putting her to bed, or bouncing her about, or rubbing her gums, but somehow I food is always the last thing I try. No striping her down to her diaper is usually the last but is often the culprit. It is like as soon as she cries I forget the things that will make her stop crying. Life is cruel. Back to being cold, or hot as it was.

On Halloween she was dressed as Belle (today's picture is purely for cuteness). As you can see that is what she was dressed in. She was hot, all night. We were outside handing out candy on Main Street. She of course wanted to be held so she could see all the people. And she was sweating. It was after all a lot of tulle. But of course all the parents with their children with coats on top of their costumes and sweats underneath gave me scolding looks. Side note, people kept stopping and saying "oh she is so cute" and then taking her picture. How weird. But I already gave the rights away to her genome so what the heck. At homecoming she had on an adorable tutu outfit and she had on long sleeves and pants but still people kept telling me she was cold. She was not. She was being passed around by all the Eleveners in the stands. The kids asked me why I wasn't pissed off people were telling me what to do with my baby? I said it just kind of comes with the territory. Eventually one of them said to the next person who stuck her nose in, "why don't you just mind your own damn business?" You go Molly!

So I am telling this story a week later at a Raven's party and my friend's husband who is like 45 and has never had children says "Well people do that becuase it is very common for people to take their kids out when it is too cold." So thanks man with no experience with children. Here is the bottom line: every kid is different, and you probably don't know better than their mother, and even if you do keep your mouth shut becuase she isn't going to listen to you anyway. Unless she is beating her child you should probably just stay out of it. I have some really good friends whose kids are a total mess. Literally and figuratively. I hate having them over they could not be more obnoxious and messy. It confuses me becuase she seems to know everything there is about kids and they are great, smart people, but they just don't discipline their kids at all. But there is no point in me saying anything, I would only upset our friendship. I just won't have them over at our house any more.

Everyone is all up in arms right now over the Texas judge who was caught on tape beating his daughter with a belt. People are coming down on both sides of this argument. The leftist of the left who don't think a light spanking is ok, the middle who says spanking is ok but this is not a spanking (which I might as well say is where I am on this), and the people who say it is his daughter and he is punishing her as he sees fit. Beating a child is not ok, but I do think that most of the people on his side are more concerned about being told how to parent then they are about the details of the case. We live in a society where we all think we know best. Maybe we do, but ain't nobody gonna listen, so you might as well just mind your own dang business.

10 Reasons Why Pat is the Better Parent

1. He gets upset when she is crying. I tell myself that I hear her cry all day that I have to laugh. Also have you seen the face they make? It is pretty funny.

2. I thought by staying home I'd have all this extra time to do things like cook and clean. Ha! He has never complained.

3. Everyday between 1pm and 2pm he calls to check on us.

4. He wants to see her grow. He wants her to develop and learn to do things. Like become a person. I want to put her in a reverse stretcher and make her little forever. Talking is so unnecessary.

5. Last week I pierced her ears and every day I make her wear a bow. As ridiculous as this all is he doesn't fight me on it. If momma ain't happy, no body is.

6. He actually likes feeding her. It is like their "bonding" time. I got over that like 4,000 feedings ago.

7. Babies hear in higher pitches then adults. Generally speaking this is why they like women better. As a result he use this silly high pitched voice when he speaks to her. I told him it was the same voice he uses with the dog. He says it is his "small" voice.

8. On that note, he still likes the dog. He pets her and feeds her and walks her. I seem to have forgotten she exists.

9. The baby likes it when I sing to her. He has totally gotten over hearing "A Spoon Full of Sugar" 10 times a day.

10. We probably can't have another baby. But he loves this one so much he doesn't care.

Read Between the Lines

So I haven't posted in like two weeks becuase I have been working on a post about bad advice I got. It really wasn't going anywhere so I scratched it. Moral of the story: every baby wears newborn clothes (unless they are a 10 pounder) for a little while and so that old add-edge is stupid. 3 outfits will not get you through one week let alone 3. Also gas drops do work and are my friend. Buy them at WalMart sooooo much cheaper. So to my new post.

I feed the baby how many times a day. Let me think 3am, 630am, 9am, 1130am, 1pm, 330 pm, 6pm. 7 times....oh that is why I am not making enough bottles, we make 6 every day and every day the time at which I have to make them goes up by an hour or so....duh...anyway. I get bored. So one night while bored I pick up the What to Expect in the First Year and start reading.

There are so many benchmarks for babies now. We are probably being overactive about development but research shows that babies that hit certain bench marks at certain times are less likely to have social and physical disorders. Oddly enough not learning to crawl (just going straight to walking) is linked to Autism. Though everything is linked to Autism these days. Any child with a social disorder is marked as being on the Autism spectrum. I am sure I will piss people off by saying this but I have never had an Autistic student (and these days that is many) that didn't have a weird parent. Most teachers agree it has to be partially genetic becuase the apple does not seem to fall far from the tree. There is now a lot of evidence to suggest that if caught early enough significant improvements can be made. Crawling is one of them.

The book always says that not meeting these benchmarks could be perfectly normal for your baby or it could be an indication of a problem...gee thanks. I have a friend whose baby came two months early. The doctor seems to be very unfair to him. He spent the first month of his life in an incubator. Yet he is evaluated as any other baby. His mom says he is a 4 month old trapped in a 6 month old's body. Surprise, surprise he is developmentally 2 months behind. Every time I tell someone over the age of 60 that the doctor told me my baby already has an attention problem they tell me my expectations of a 3 month old is unrealistic. Maybe our expectations are unrealistic or maybe they are based on what is optimal and not all babies can an A+.

Side note: my child does have an attention problem. Most babies seem to have an altimeter. When they are upset you stand up and bounce them. Not necessary with Scarlett. You simply must get up and move to the other side of the room so she has something new to look at. We were in the waiting room at the doctors office today and I was playing musical chairs. I must have looked like an idiot. Moving from one side of the room to the other. She still mostly won't make eye contact with me. Only first thing in the morning when I am new again and a half hour later I am not interesting again. When she meets someone new she stares at them for like 2 mins which must be an eternity for a baby.

She loves her room. My whole house is red, white, black and gray. So when it came to the nursery I thank Dr. Seuss for coming up with a lovable children's (would some English teacher please tell me what the proper why to make children possessive becuase Mozilla keeps telling me that is wrong) character with a red and white hat. She can wear pink, my walls can not. When I was a child all infant toys were red, white and black becuase those are the colors they can see. I don't know why they did away with this but she loves her room. There is so much to look at. She also likes ceiling fans. Loves having her diaper changed so she can look at the ceiling.

Where was I going with this? Oh right boredom. So the book says it is very important to talk to babies. There was recently a big long research study done on low income babies verses middle class babies and the biggest difference was how the baby was talked to. Babies who are talked to do much better in school. When they asked the non-talking parents why they didn't talk they said they didn't know they were supposed to. Their parents didn't talk to them as children. They also discovered that there is a difference in talking to your child and talking at your child. "Mommy is going to feed Scarlett now" verses "eat baby". Apparently pronouns are difficult for babies. They do not understand the concept so it is better to say "Mommy is going to change Scarlett's diaper now" and not "I am going to change your diaper." It is important to use the babies name often. Like a dog you want them to learn to respond to it. Yeah I went there.

Since I really like the sound of my own voice (i.e. I talk too much) this is easy for me. We talk all day long. One of the things they told the non-talking parents who didn't know what to say was to sing or if your tone def recite the words to songs. It doesn't have to be a lullaby, Solider Boy will do the trick. As you know we sing Julie Andrews.

Another side note: Every morning when I feed her at 9am we watch the news. Either the Today show or CNN, whose every reporting actually news. Usually I read the scroll at the bottom of the Today show for local news and the scroll at the bottom of CNN for national news. It seems no one is actually reporting news. Anyway after that we watch Jem and the Holograms. It was a cartoon from the 1980s about a music band and the clothing, makeup and hair is awesome dude. Today's cartoons are stupid and scary. Have you seen the new Mickey Mouse? And what is up with Yo Gabba Gabba? Seriously the creator of that show must have done more drugs then Lewis Caroll. Scarlett loves Jem (I should point out that Pat thinks it is ridiculous that I actually record 1980s cartoons on the DVR). I am pretty sure it is not the fashion that intrigues Scarlett but the fact that Jem and the Holograms are a music band and they sing all the time. She does not like the Misfits. Good baby. I mean Mommy is proud of Scarlett.

Ok I am trying to get to the point. The book also says it is never to early to read to a baby and research clearly shows that reading to a young child gives them a huge leg up when they enter kindergarten. By the way, props to kindergarten teachers. To me that is the 7th level of hell. So....we read during feedings. Much like cartoons I like old books. My favorite (I have never spelled that word right the first time in my entire life, I more then a little dyslexic) books are as follows:
Alexander's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
The Going to Bed Book (becuase they go up to the deck and exercise before they go to bed, whats with that?)
In the Night Kitchen (which is one of the lesser known Maurice Sendak book, I hate Where the Wild Things are, it is depressing, Night Kitchen is hilarious)
The Sign on Rosie's Door (see above)
I Love You Forever (which always makes me cry and Pat always asks "why do you read that if it makes you cry?" Also he thinks it is silly that she sneaks into his room when he is all grown up)
The Just So Stories
Where's my Blankie?
Little Bear
All of Dr. Seuss

The only book I have read her so far that I didn't have as a child is But Not the Hippopotamus, which existed I just didn't have it. We love that. Mostly becuase it is about a potamus and her potamus is her favorite (still didn't get it right) and becuase she is baby potamus. Oh I forgot the two most important books the ones we are reading now. Winnie-the-Pooh (downstairs) and a Light in Attic (upstairs). The only problem is I don't like how I do the voices. I had all of these on tape as a child. Two reasons, one I couldn't sleep even then (it is 3:45 am) and two my dyslexia led me to be a slow reader. I have purchased all of these on CD so she can hear the voices properly someday but for now it is apparently important that she hears me talking to her, something about familiarity.

The End.

That Bites Man!

So we are teething now. Fun times. No really. At first I thought she had a cold and then Mom says you know teething will make her nose stuffy from all the increased blood flow. I says but she is only two months and usually it doesn't start till four months. But the cold didn't seem to get better. So I asked Katie to put her fingers in my child's mouth and sure enough there are two, maybe four teeth trying to make an appearance.

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics "Teething usually starts during these months. The two front teeth (central incisors), either upper or lower, usually appear first, followed by the opposite front teeth. The first molars come in next, followed by the canines or eyeteeth." Thanks folks she is getting molars and at two months. I suppose this is pay back for sleeping through the night. Oh right she isn't doing that any more. Since this whole teeth thing started she is fussy at around 1 am. She doesn't actually want to eat. We waste quite a bit of formula at that hour. She just is grumpy and wants attention. Again I quote the AAP "Teething occasionally may cause mild irritability, crying, a low-grade temperature (but not over 101 degrees Fahrenheit or 38.3 degrees Celsius), excessive drooling, and a desire to chew on something hard." Has anyone ever had a baby that did not get grumpy when teething??? Occasionally my foot.

So what to do about it? Well she is too little to keep a teething ring in her mouth. Katie says rub her gums. I guess that means I will have to wash off the hot glue from ribbon making. Fun times. Also she is starting to be grumpy out of the house now too, which she never did before. Does it sound like I am complaining? Yes. Deal with it. You can ignore me if you so choose. If only we could take Mary Poppins with us everywhere. Maybe I should get a portable DVD player. Do they make baby iPods? They should. She is obsessed with Julie Andrews and she dislikes Muse. Oh baby I hope you can grow out of that. After watching Mary Poppins obsessively as a child my cousin Sarah decided she too wanted to have a tea party on the ceiling. Solution: hang from the chandelier with a cup.

At least I have found ways of cheering her up. I now know all the lyrics to "Spoon Full of Sugar" and now that she smiles and laughs she can be distracted with funny faces. She can go from pouty tears to giggles in like .6 seconds. Crazy baby. She will also spend a good two hours a day in her gym. I am not sure she will ever roll over. When she is on her stomach she is too preoccupied with going forward. She also wants to stand all the time now. Any time you hold her she pushes herself up into a standing position. This was both adorable and impressive a month ago. Now it is just irritating. My infant is already over cuddling. Not fair. Glad I stayed home this year or I would have missed that phase all together.

And now my closing thoughts (I'm talking to you Larry Cohan). I was getting concerned about her hearing. I know she can hear but she won't respond to sounds. She also wasn't making eye contact with me very often. At her two month doctor's appointment I brought this up with the doctor. She examines her and says "Ok so there is a difference between hearing and listening." Great, I don't know anyone with a listening problem. Also she makes eye contact with anyone new. It turns out she has just seen me and I am no longer interesting. The doctor says "It is a bit early for a baby to have an attention problem but I think we are going to need to keep an eye out for it." Pat just rolled his eyes. Apple doesn't fall very far from the tree.