Today was my first Mother's Day. I hadn't really thought about celebrating it. I feel more like a kangaroo right now then a mother. Though I have started refering to my self as Mommy when I speak to the joey (the proper name for a baby kangaroo) in my pouch. But people kept telling me no you qualify. I'm not very sentimental. I wouldn't have been upset with Pat if he hadn't given me anything. I certainly didn't expect it. But when I came down for breakfast this morning I found a tulips (which remind me of my grandparents) and a card. All sentimental cards are stupid. Honestly what is Hallmark thinking? So its really up to the author to make it special...and it was.
To my mother-to-be,
I love you so very very much. Hope that you enjoy the last Mother's Day that we will spend without our lovely daughter. Next year she will be able to hug you on Mother's Day!
Love, Pat
I can't even type it without crying. I was so emotional about it this morning I couldn't even finish my Special K with freeze dried strawberries (my favorite meal of the day!!!!). We had a nice lunch with the family at the Diamond Back Tavern and they gave roses to all the mothers. I got one too. I guess that makes it official. Of course the pastor was talking about pregnancy this morning...more crying. Then he starts talking about suffering and the contractions start...ugh is it July yet?
Poor pitiful me, I finally am starting to feel better just in time to enter that unbearable part of pregnancy where everything hurts: back, belly, legs, etc. There are no more good night sleeps. There is no comfortable positions. I can't breathe when I lie down (whats that about?). I wake up once an hour to pee (I don't know where its all coming from, I didn't drink a barrel of water). And every time I wake up I am like "oh I don't really need to pee, I'll fall back asleep." Wrong! I don't know why I do that, I know I HAVE to pee. Ugh.
Well all that aside I am still kind of enjoying it. I talk to her. It is kind of weird. I know all women do it, but not being the sentimental type I didn't expect I would. I rub my belly a lot to see where she is and when I find her I pat her. I know its so creepy. When I was at school last week I stopped by a friend's classroom and she came out and asked if she could touch my belly. I said sure! I was shocked. I always assumed I wouldn't be the type to let people touch but apparently I don't mind. I mean she wasn't some random lady in the grocery store but I don't even like hugging people, so the notion that I'd let someone feel my belly is totally strange.
I had another sonogram on Thursday. It went well I guess. She was moving around so much they could barely get a heart beat. But once she turned straight towards the wand and looked right at us! It was both very cool and very creepy. Hi baby! Wait, does she known we're looking at her??? They still couldn't get the measurements off her neck very well but they seemed fairly satisfied with results so I asked, can we not do this every other week any more? How about monthly? No. We need to keep checking to make sure she is not developing abnormally. Ugh (how many ughs is that so far?). I guess no one will ever tell me its just going to be ok. They don't want to get sued. I just want to hold her in my arms and know she is ok. Truthfully, I probably won't really stop being scared till I see her walk and talk and know she really is ok.
A friend of mine had a baby in November and she is the sweetest, cutest, happiest, little thing and I just love her to death. She keeps telling me (Mom not the baby) that I will love mine even more. Its hard to imagine. I can't wait for next Mother's Day...
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